Told M- she had never come to me to see if I was up this morning. She said she would, but thought I should not like it. I was rather attendrie this morning particularly after our walk. She told [me] Mr C[rewe] had been with her at scarbro’. Glad I had not heard on it in York and that she was first to tell me on it. He said he had hoped to her happy with her friend she liked best staying with her at Warmingham, meaning to have me with them. I said if she did not think this speech plain enough. She said it had struck her much, but at last owned it was pretty plain, tho’ she still says she never was in love with him and wonders if she ever shall be. I calmly said, “oh yes, all that would come”. She told me Mr C[rewe] was very calm on that subject in telling her a story on a chére amie of Broone Grevilles, said but he and his friend could very well do without those domestic comforts. She still persists that all the love is for me. I led the conversation to A-, said I really liked [her], was more than comfortable, and that whatever might be said, money had nothing to do with it. M- asked if it was true that she has three thousand a year – I said no, but our fortunes would be about equal and that we should have five thousand a year. Said I had thought of her the first thing after M-‘s breaking. I was thankful things were as they were for I was determined to have [some]one and certainly could not have done better. Charlotte said A- was not ladylike and she and Mrs Milne thought she would not be flattered if she saw her successor, but that I could not do without money. M- took all well, said she thought I had done right and perhaps she herself was the cause of if they wondered.
Mr C[rewe] does not like Mrs Milne. She behaved sarcastically and he expected better things after all the trouble he had taken about Hamlyn. He wished to get her uncle and Lou to go to Geneva next summer. M- to join in then, and then he and his two boys would join in the mall at Geneva and make a tour for W- with her uncle. There could be nothing wrong. I made no remark, but this explained the passage she read from Lou’s letter that came today. That with a little persuasion she thought her uncle might begot to go to Geneva, though she had preferred Scotland on account of not leaving her mother so far. This proves M- had thought on the plan and seriously too. Perhaps she wished to sound me. What will the world say?
She protests she feels towards him (Mr Crewe?) only as a brother. Well, nous verrons [we will see]. I told her that but for him I might have acted differently. Said I read her last letter to A-, but she did not understand it. I told all that was necessary, but not quite all, that is not of our connection. Nor did any[one] know of this or ever would. This seemed to satisfy her. M- said I was not quite satisfied with her brother’s conduct about Clifton, to his mother in paying with so much difficulty nor with his mismanagement with his wife, and that he had latterly left A- today unvisited by him. But this not to be named any more than the brandy and water drunk by Miss Bagshaw at Miss Bewley’s.
M- has seemed low today at intervals. It seems she now doesn’t like Miss Wilbraham who has interfered with friendly society. Mr C[rewe] says how worldly they all are and he cannot endure them somehow. I do not like this. M- says Mr C[rewe] was never conscious of his feelings towards [her] till [Mr] L[awton]’s conduct to him at Mr Wood’s in [?]. I cannot quite understand M-, she shows me she is still in love with me. I might have her heretofore without much difficulty. She says she is glad to see me, but talks on the difference when my interest is hung on another peg. I asked tonight if I was not as much attached and as affectionate as she wished me to be, she made no answer. I pressed her to say yes and she merely replied, “yes, you are very affectionate”. She kissed me as warmly as she dared venture and has given me licence enough if I chose to take it. But in answer, ” do you love me”, my yes indeed I do. Bespoke nothing beyond friendship. The fact is, I am really indifferent to her, but she would lead me astray if she could. She will send a present to A-, sorry I had proposed it as it was her own intention. [Mr] L[awton] and I very good friends.