No kiss. A- very low – had been crying for an hour before nine then lay talking. She thought she could not make me happy – wrong to give me so much anxiety and make me unhappy and give so much trouble etc, thought she ought to leave me. Oh, oh, thought I, but I took it very quietly and talked and reasoned with her gently and kindly. But still she wing that if she really wished to leave, to me she should not find it difficult – she had got wrong in my absence however she came right before we got up and owned the talk had done her good. Well, thought I to myself, I will do the best I can – her being with my will not be forever. If we can get on together travelling and whatnot for a year or two till my own affairs are rather more settled, I can arrange things well enough. Heaven will order this matter as all others, that is, for the best.

[Dr Belcombe called] Then said A-‘s cousin had not come of late (not since February) and her bowels were wrong – not moved since Saturday – and this made her nervous and low. That, said he, she will always an inferior mind – she will always be nervous, but I can do her good. Oh no, said I, she is surprisingly well when her bowels are right and when travelling. Yes, said he, travelling will do but she will always be nervous. No more passed for we went into the other room to her. Steph is right – I will arrange as well as I can, never counting upon having her many years. I shall be better without her.

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