A- wrong as ever and I think more and more seriously of being off. Came to my room about ten and a half and had a motion, bowels open, and then sat musing and looking at road maps of France to spend next winter cheaply and improvingly at Montpellier? Look into my accounts, settle all and be off as soon as I can. Be perfectly civil and properly attentive to A- and she will do the rest to help on our quiet parting. It is a mésalliance to me. The sooner I am quietly rid of her the better – I wish it was over. At this moment I am bothered and feverish.
Read to turn my mind from this miserable business about [A-]. I wish it was over. I see it will bother me more than it ought, but I will take it as well as I can. I feel as my hand trembling though it is not in reality. She is gone, I suppose, to Cliff Hill. She has not attempted coming near me – nor have I troubled her since eight when she seemed queer. Hannah Heap must see that all is not right, and so much everyone in the house. Nobody here will be sorry? With more effort I might have gone on till little Mary was gone? It fidgets me. Would that it were over I must exert myself, settle my affairs and be quietly off.
How foolish A- is. Susan waited and must have noticed her not answering me at dinner. Little Mary did not come in at all!