On going to bed last night A- seemed not urgent against going to Paris for a month after Christmas but had asked where the money was to come from – saying I hoped soon to have done with workmen and adding something insignificant, I scarce know what about the alterations. She did not speak – what, said I gently, have you nothing to say – answer no, nothing. I stood silent a minute or two and then without uttering came to my room. On getting into bed she as not asleep but seemed so and I took no notice but fell asleep by and by. I saw all was not right at breakfast, but I talked as nearly as possible as usual. Out all the morning till about one and a half then came and sat a little with A-. Talked as far as I could as if nothing was the matter then came away to send John to the bank and had Booth etc and found A- gone to Cliff Hill. How all this bother me! I have several times laughed and said she must keep her pony – must allow me a thousand a year for everything – she has never said she would. Says nothing on the subject. Is she afraid or tired of me or what? Why should I be so bothered? Can solitude or anything be worse? I have thought against and for Mr Harper as my steward and manager – will he not be better than Washington? Who had best remain to A-. I feel in thraldom.
I am better for writing my journal.