Washing and mending my stays till eight.

Had Cordingley help take trimming off old French silk petticoat.

I undressed in half hour and then went to her room – had her on my knee a few minutes and then got into bed, she making no objection – and stayed with her till twelve and three quarters grubbling gently – right middle finger up almost all the time – made two or three attempts to get myself quite near her but somehow could not manage it – and she seemed so tender and able to bear so little (I think she was more intact and innocent and virgin than I had latterly surmised) that I contented myself with handling her gently and lovemaking – she feared she should never be able to satisfy me. On leaving her, my night things so wet [I was] obliged to take them off and sleep in my dressing gown – she whispered to me in bed how gentle and kind I was to her and faintly said she loved me – or else, how can you think, said she, that I should let you do as you do. In fact, tho’ I never allow that I have hope, surely I ought not to despair – she cannot surely go on as she does meaning to say no – nothing passes that is not encouraging.

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