[Slept in kitchen chamber]
I mentioned to A- yesterday the republishing [of] her will – I saw she did not like the subject but supposed she would do it as I told her we should have no other opportunity. In getting out the will just now she said in her queer ungracious way she should not do it this morning. I think shall be foolish to ask her again. What is her idea? Is she afraid it is time for me to be careful?
I mentioned the will. A- explained that she did not like being bound to life here – I explained no time specified, a mere form – only bound to have fires kept and windows open and taxes paid. A- satisfied and the will republished – all right.
Then went to A-, gone to her room crying and all wrong. All the three – Oddy, George and Cookson impertinent, the latter worst. A-‘s health could not stand it. I must choose between her and Cookson, whom A- said I had said I would not turn away etc. I never uttered for half hour, then said turn them all away and quietly talked to that purpose – said what I could unoffensively for Cookson. That I wished A- had someone in view but she must please herself. It is indeed melancholy. We shall soon not be able to get, and if we do get, shall never keep a good servant.
[Slept in kitchen chamber] Washed.
Changed paper and washed a little.
Found my cousin come gently on getting into bed last night. Washing stocking this morning.
Had written rough copies but easily and well written letters.
P- and A- one thousand overdrawn at the bank.
Incurred last night thinking of M- and the etymologies.
[Slept in the kitchen chamber]
Between six and seven incurred a cross thinking, as usual on these occasions, of M-.
‘Ham uncovered his father’s nakedness.
Lingam or Ham – to uncover one’s nakedness generally means to copulate or the act itself?
Penis – from pen – high erect – Pennine, alps, high, ditto.
Was the groove – groove a hollow or flut in – the sacred yoni or Eve or female privy part.
They had been longer created and had procreated – the beast might make Eve understand the use of the penis – or she might him copulate and ask Adam to try and the seeing that they were naked, and the eating an apple, may be but a manner of expressing their having copulated – the context hints this – the woman was immediately sentence to conceive in sorrow – apples have always been symbolic – are your apples ripe, are they fit for fucking.’
A good one – stayed with her till she began to snore at one and twenty-five minutes.
Meant to have slept with her last night – had a goodish kiss, she inclined, and was dropping asleep when she snored so I could not sleep. Got up and went to my own bed at twelve and a half and was just comfortable when I thought I heard her at my door. Jumped up and asked who was there – no answer – stood with my father’s pistols in hand till I was cold. Then thought A- would be frightened if she awoke and found me gone, so crept back to her but no sleep – she snored – so at three therefore went back to the kitchen chamber and slept without awaking till eight.
Just went to A-‘s door to listen if she was asleep. She called to me – got into bed, she inclined, and half hour with her and had a pretty good kiss – and then went to my own bed.
Could not sleep for A-‘s snoring all night – determined to sleep in the kitchen chamber.