29 April 1837

[Slept in kitchen chamber]

I mentioned to A- yesterday the republishing [of] her will – I saw she did not like the subject but supposed she would do it as I told her we should have no other opportunity. In getting out the will just now she said in her queer ungracious way she should not do it this morning. I think shall be foolish to ask her again. What is her idea? Is she afraid it is time for me to be careful?

I mentioned the will. A- explained that she did not like being bound to life here – I explained no time specified, a mere form – only bound to have fires kept and windows open and taxes paid. A- satisfied and the will republished – all right.

Then went to A-, gone to her room crying and all wrong. All the three – Oddy, George and Cookson impertinent, the latter worst. A-‘s health could not stand it. I must choose between her and Cookson, whom A- said I had said I would not turn away etc. I never uttered for half hour, then said turn them all away and quietly talked to that purpose – said what I could unoffensively for Cookson. That I wished A- had someone in view but she must please herself. It is indeed melancholy. We shall soon not be able to get, and if we do get, shall never keep a good servant.

27 April 1837

Found my cousin come gently on getting into bed last night. Washing stocking this morning.

Had written rough copies but easily and well written letters.

16 April 1837

[Slept in the kitchen chamber]

Between six and seven incurred a cross thinking, as usual on these occasions, of M-.

‘Ham uncovered his father’s nakedness.

Lingam or Ham – to uncover one’s nakedness generally means to copulate or the act itself?

Penis – from pen – high erect – Pennine, alps, high, ditto.

Was the groove – groove a hollow or flut in – the sacred yoni or Eve or female privy part.

They had been longer created and had procreated – the beast might make Eve understand the use of the penis – or she might him copulate and ask Adam to try and the seeing that they were naked, and the eating an apple, may be but a manner of expressing their having copulated – the context hints this – the woman was immediately sentence to conceive in sorrow – apples have always been symbolic – are your apples ripe, are they fit for fucking.’

14 April 1837

Meant to have slept with her last night – had a goodish kiss, she inclined, and was dropping asleep when she snored so I could not sleep. Got up and went to my own bed at twelve and a half and was just comfortable when I thought I heard her at my door. Jumped up and asked who was there – no answer – stood with my father’s pistols in hand till I was cold. Then thought A- would be frightened if she awoke and found me gone, so crept back to her but no sleep – she snored – so at three therefore went back to the kitchen chamber and slept without awaking till eight.

12 April 1837

[Good night]

Just went to A-‘s door to listen if she was asleep. She called to me – got into bed, she inclined, and half hour with her and had a pretty good kiss – and then went to my own bed.