A- poorly but more out of sorts – reading the lesson of the day as I found her yesterday. Is she going wrong again? I asked for a bit of comfort, a bit of petting – she began crying. I said she had no reason to fret – should not do so for me. Whatever came to me she was well off, she could not be hurt, and she used to say she would keep me – yes – she would keep me, but she could not keep the estate. I said quietly the estate would keep itself but if she would make any proposal, I would come into it if I could. A little more passed in this strain – she not speaking. I got affected – said she would think of me sometime and I then came away. I suppose the thing will blow off as usual, but had I not best get her to make some preposition that can be acted upon? Yes, all quite right.
To see my read receipts and borrowings.
A-‘s cousin came this morning.
A- got out of sorts at Cliff from my manner, I suppose of my mentioning there being no service. I took no notice – have just given her a glass of madeira, left her to sleep on the sofa in her room and she seems right and only.
Gave her castor oil, about half ounce, in warm brandy and water and cherry, ditto, and biscuit afterwards.
Copied my letter to Lady Stuart on a separate paper when not feeling sure A- would let me send it. She came in [at 4’20] – gave A- my letters to read – she made no remark on either but did not seem out of temper.
Found my cousin come tonight.
Having written her copy of what she should write her sister if the valuation of the rent is right.
A- came – owned she had been naughty and gave me a kiss and was right. I reasoned a little – asked what was her bane – she said temper, I agreed. And also showed that the value of things depended on our belief of their permanence and said that in talking of doing by herself she played with edged tools and shook my confidence.
Goodish one last night.
Now came another silence. I read German and A- settled accounts and she was coming off to bed when I asked for a kiss and I began gently reasoning. Useless – quite. She said I should not like it if I was in her place – I tried to reason again in vain, followed her to her room. She said she had fretted very much of late – she had done by herself, perhaps, she had best do so again. I quietly said I was very sorry – I would not be the cause of her fretting. She had often before talked in this way – she had but to make whatever arrangement would suit her best. Poor thing, but I now take it very calmly. We shall see how it will end. I must determine and I must take the opportunity to be rid of her.
All right – the wine excited A- and I grubbled her well, her own bringing on for I should not have been so inclined.