Asked A- to have noyau soon after setting out – no, and her
tone of voice was the sign of my saying no more. I have never spoken since –
Except two or three times asking her to have noyau, I never
spoke from Barbezieux to Bordeaux. Spoke a little this evening but she is
terrible – I never before knew the misery of solitude. She is with me and yet I
have not a soul to speak to. She is a human being at my elbow, and I am alone.
Oh, that I was well rid of her.
Would rather be farther out of A-‘s hearing but she is in her best way this morning.
To amuse, began at supper about Orleans Cathedral and she got
into ape! And went off to bed. What a temper, but really, I don’t mind it so
much as I did at first.
What will A- become? She is
very little companionable – always poorly or out of sorts someway – wants to be
quiet. She is like a millstone round my neck.
Half hour with A- quietly before getting up.
Delighted to be so at ease and rid of her.
Copied these two letters.
Copies of letters to Mr’s Mackean,
Cousin came gently during the day.
A- quite wrong again on finding that I should go to Magendie
at three. What a temper she has. Whether I am bothered or not she seems as if
she neither knew nor cared. Any appeal to pity or anything else is unavailing.
I sometimes [think] even good heartedness is merged in selfishness or bad
temper. Oh, that I was rid of her.
A- cried and was quite wrong. And is it you, I said, can do
in this way – one can bear to ascertain point and not beyond it, and [I] walked
off and wrote the note, as above, and A- sulked and was poorly and inept. My thoughts
to myself, meaning to rid of her by and by.
What with poor, simple Oddy and A- I have bother enough. Said
I to myself after leaving A-, well, tis the first time I have ever been
downright unhappy in Paris – but I soon got up my spirit a little in promising
to get quietly rid of A- by and by.
A pot de chambre not to be had.
What terrible work but she said it was monsieur that had come
so much. She could not stir – it was coming throughout everything. I set off
and in twenty minutes returned with a nice pair grey worsted stocking sewed
together at the ends with an aune of riband and a little vial bottle of brandy
and all was right.