[A- at Cliff Hill]
[Wrote note to A-, ‘Miss Walker at Cliff Hill’] and sent her the copy of a proper note for her to write and send by George tonight – her own note was not at all the right sort of thing. ‘[God bless you…A.L.]’
Began with ‘I am sorry my love it is so late’.
A- said she was very sorry, so all is right again.
A- and I all right – she made extracts for me from my letter to M-.
A- wrong about something, I know not what – she has a queer, stupid temper. We shall never continue long together. I happened to mention that something ought to be settled about Mr Speed when she said she should have gone over to Leeds today if she had had [a] carriage and servants or her own. I quietly said she had two of each – I was very sorry I had prevented her but really on such a day I did not think it fit to go. I said no more but came upstairs, keeping my temper beautifully, as I must say for myself, I always have done to her. I see we shall part by and by. She brought me a letter in from M- and looked as if coming round. I asked if she was not sorry – what for, said she – if you do not know I need not tell you, said [I] – she said, ‘very well’. No, I replied, it is not very well – I will not prevent you another time and you must do your own way and be responsible for the consequences and if you are not sorry, now perhaps you may be so sometime. I see there will be a struggle for the upper hand – I shall not give way come what may.
Poor M-. As to all she says about
my happiness, what is it?
My cousin very lightly just before getting into bed.
She is poorly and tired – cried at not getting a waller and having all ready to make her little improvement in the carriage road at Knowle Top. She is not fit for resolves of any importance – I must decide for her.
Then helping A- tie up preserve pots.
No kiss. [Out at 9”5] A- having been long in doing my hair.
Some while explaining all to A-. She seemed rather tired. I will say as little and do all as quietly as I can – her own mind can never quite settle itself here. She will always long to be doing at Cliff Hill, tho’ she herself doubts whether that or Crow Nest will be the place eventually – but it is for me to be diligent and do the best I can for all sides.
No kiss – my cousin last night.