Nobody handed out today – the lady of the house told us to seat ourselves and all the ladies were together by her and all the gentlemen by him. The ladies were provincial and all together there was a considerable falling off in style from Kazan, to say nothing of Moscow. She from Moscow, nobody knew old Princess Ouroussoff till Princess R[adzivill]‘s going to court, which brought them all into notice. The old Prince bit very bright nor he nor his wife had any fortune.
A- came to me and lay on my bed twenty-five minutes – her cousin came this morning.
A- told me monsieur was come a little last night – enough this morning.
Then thinking over the notes Princess dictated and writing to Hawkins.
This and writing the short explanation etc to me till after two.
Princess R[adzivill] dictated notes to old Countess Panin for now and another to announce my return and one to Princess Tcherkasky – very civil. Princess R- not liking the abrupt shortness of her note to me and then dictated note to send with the girl to the enfant rouges.
Princess R[adzivill] dictated three notes for me to Princess Olga D- and Mrs Temirazoff and Mrs Araxine. Princess Tcherkasky told me to ask Countess P[anin] for a letter to the governor of Nieney and to go to her this evening – she was right.
Princess T- said old Countess P[anin] was une grande dame – did not go to court because [she] would not be well received because her husband was one of the seven or eight whom murdered Paul.
Then talking to A-. Crying and make up after having had…
She is a thorough woman of the world but good hearted, capricious tempered? That is, with a beauty’s pouting pettishness at times but her beauty is in the wine – her eyes deadening and wrinkling round about and the Russian bend in her nose becoming more apparent, but her teeth are good and smile lovely. She will think no more of me – she hopes to survive her husband. Well, she may, for he can leave her nothing – she will be as she said some time ago.
We will have, when this business is settled, seventy-five thousand roubles a year. Princess R[adzivill] said they should have been uneasy if I had not written – somehow, I felt and feel annoyed and mortified – nothing particular to find fault with but it is not as if they really valued us or were really very anxious for our company. Princess R[adzivill] does not now ask when we shall go again and I think does not care to see us often again, nor does she now say anything about my writing to her – no mention of the letter to Doctor Belcombe. I will write it and manage as well as I can and back out as nicely as I can. The old woman has told me several times of being cousin to Count Woronzoff and to give her compliments if I see him, but she never offers me a letter!
Speak against the government and like a fish out of water here – lost like our Count – he left the service recently and Prince Serg Galitzin the other night advised Hirre entering it, but the count said he knew his own affairs.
Count P[anin] going to the country to see his brother to settle about their father’s fortune – he was disgraced but too proud to.
[A-] all in tears and low – said I left her so much – said this on my telling her I was going to Princess R[adzivill]. A sort of scene and talk as usual on these occasions – she promised to try to exert herself, but what melancholy miserable work it is.
Seven examinations by three different accoucheurs who all agreed there was no organic disease.
The Emperor had behaved beautifully. He and the Empress and she being all together – he owned that much as he preferred the Empress to all other woman. Yet, that had Princess R[adzivill] made any effort to win him, he was homme and could not have answered for himself – but she had not – and in short, there was a scene and they all three cried – wept. And all was beautiful but still the Empress had at times been jealous and then got over it. R- went to Odessa because the Empress wanted her to promise if she could not go, to remain at Saint Petersburg the eight months till the court returned. No, R- would return home and stay there if she was not well enough to go to Odessa, but she did go – she consulted nobody but her physician – as a friend did not even tell her sister at Saint P[etersburg] for fear of her writing to her parents and distressing them. The physician told her to go, saying it was kill or cure, but in such a case to go honour – reputation at stake. It was envy – all scandalized her but she believed the people here now did her justice. She had many offers, but she knew it was that they wanted favour – all told R- such stories to prevent his marrying her but she herself explained and he relived her perfect innocence. So much chagrin had been too much for her. Poor thing, I expressed my own belief and admiration and she kissed me affectionately on my coming away.
Meant to write but A- came. Long talk till after twelve – what miserable work. How shall I endure it? I must manage her better or we cannot go on together – I feel as if it would be heaven to be without her.
Copies of letters to Mr’s Grey, Harper and Mackean.
I am getting dead tired of this place and long to be off.
[With Princess Radzivill] A complaint in the navel began at nine years old. Never such good friends. I said if she durst trust me, I would do all I could – yes, she believed all I said – liked me from the first, scarce knowing why. Used to fear I should be off – ended at sending for me every night but could not help it – should not have done so in another case nor, said I, should I have gone every night to anyone else. A mutual profession of amity. Sometimes she thought she would and then that she would not write her case for me to send to Doctor B[elcombe], she had no faith in Doctor S-. Never expected to be cured. I bade her not despair but hope and try once again if Doctor B- thought he could be of use to her – agreed that I am to go to her at one tomorrow.
She told me before she paid for her servants in travelling. She was rather nervous tonight – I see now it will be better to go less often. She asked when I should go again – to promise – as if a makeup – I think there is some humbug. I said I should not go to the ball – she said I would be a great embarrass for dress. I saw tonight all sides were getting tired – one should not stay too long or see too much of them – I think of going again about Saturday! I should be sorry to be shut up with her for life.
[A-] low, perhaps in consequence of the dullness chez Princess R[adzivill]. Poor A-, how terrible it is – my only plan is to take the least notice possible.
A- got ready to go then began to cry and I at last persuaded her to stay at home.
No, if I did, I should not go – she said that consoled her. Asked after A-, how long she had been with me – five and a half years – had I known her long? All her life. Hinted at her being so unlike me – I said the being like was not necessary, being suitable was a different thing. [Princess] R[adzivill] thought she was very mild – yes, but she orders the house – R- should not have thought her capable of this. Poor A-, I see they wonder at her and at me for having her.